This is what a pro-feminist dad looks like

by Rachel Bell on February 10, 2015

This speedy 10 step guide is a follow up to my previous post on men and feminism.

1. If you’re a dad or in the company of kids, be mindful of not pushing gender expectations on them. Ease up on the overly sexualised Disney princesses and anti-challenging pink toys that promote preening and domesticity and get The Princess Bride and Ever After out on DVD. When it comes to fancy dress, our kids deserve a chance to play act a wider range of roles than hypermasculine superheroes or Disney Princesses. Oh, and don’t call a girl a ‘Tomboy’. It’s like saying she’s an ungirl, like denying her celebration of her authentic and marvellous girlhood. She just doesn’t worship Frozen and she loves her jeans, OK?

2. If a boy says ‘eeew’ because he thinks he’s been handed a ‘girl’s toy’, tell him your big secret, that all toys are for boys and girls and the same goes for colours.

3. Be imaginative about nurturing your child with non-stereotypical films and books – A Mighty Girl and the Letterbox library are good places to start. As the Geena Davis’ Institute on Gender in Media has proven with hard stats, film and television is largely boy-centred with girls serving as eye candy so take your boy to see Matilda and talk about the unavoidable superhero franchises in a questioning way. Start with, where are the women?

4. Don’t follow the herd when it comes to activities. Encourage girls to try football, encourage boys to try dance. Nurture activities that involve boys and girls playing together – den building, camping, forest school, party games. Encourage your son’s friendships with girls. There are too many divisive messages around telling them how different they are, which is damaging to healthy relationships.

5. Openly reject sexist, racist and homophobic bullying. Have a zero tolerance attitude to language that views anything feminine as less, such as, ‘He throws like a girl,’, ‘That’s so gay.’

6. Stop and think about the messages boys are getting about masculinity in popular culture, how music videos and computer games align manhood with violence and feeling power over women. How women are near invisible in the media unless they are hot. Challenge these messages.

7. See why Girlguiding is taking off so massively by allowing girls to speak up about the pressures and limitations they experience. Search for their Girls Attitudes Surveys. And you and your teenage daughter can benefit from a visit to AmySmartGirls.com.

8. Confront the fact that boys first access hardcore porn, which is body-punishing and violent, aged 12-14, and that porn is now young people’s primary source of sex education. Until schools step up to providing comprehensive Healthy Relationships education, talk talk talk to them about what a healthy, consensual relationship looks like.

9. If you have a son, recognise your immense power and responsibility as a role model. Let him see your gentle side as well as your strengths. Show him that parenting is man’s work too. Encourage communication and emotional intelligence.

10. As kids get older, help them challenge the stereotypes that limit us all. And if you don’t want to listen to me, get acquainted with The Good Men Project and follow them on Twitter for loads of really interesting articles to help with dad dilemmas.

There are loads of well established campaigns advocating for freer childhoods without gender-stereotypes…

Let Toys Be Toys
Let Clothes Be Clothes
Pink Stinks
Culture Reframed!

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