Know about porn… because your kids will

by Rachel Bell on May 5, 2015

If you don’t know much about porn or avoid facing it, you need to know about porn. Porn is sex education. Porn traumatises children who can see it without looking for it on mobiles and tablets. Porn is what a primary school age boy finds when he just wants to see some boobs. Porn is where a teenage girl goes to find out how she should act during sex.

When I say porn I mean hardcore porn because that’s what the mainstream is now. And I mean the porn industry. Porn has been around a long time but we have never before had a porn industry that is bigger than the Hollywood movie industry, that is global big business making deals with mobile phone companies to reach every male in every remote corner of every country. Porn is not about sex. It is about money ­– taking men’s money and getting boys hooked as early as possible. Porn hates women but it doesn’t give a crap about men either. It is the third biggest cause of addiction and debt among men.

This post is an insight into Gail Dines findings on what a 12-year-old boy will find today, because that’s the age a boy will typically look for free porn on google. It can be younger. And in the words of the anti-porn academic, author and campaigner, the porn he’ll find makes the magazines of the 1970s such as Playboy and Hustler, look like ‘the good old days.’

A common act on free porn websites – so standard sites, not the worst – is gagging. This is where a man shoves his penis so far down a women’s throat she is almost vomiting and choking. He’ll grab her hair and say something like Look at me bitch and there will be an emphasis on the pained expression of her watering eyes. And then it’s time for the money shot – the man coming all over her face. Welcome to Gonzo porn – the type of porn a generation of boys are growing up on. Other standard acts are one woman and three men penetrating a woman orally, anally and vaginally, while pulling her hair, spitting in her face and calling her a whore; placing both hands around a women’s throat while fucking her; bukkake – in which multiple men ejaculate on a woman’s face – and brutal, pounding anal sex, including double penetration of the anus. Porn has normalised anal sex among teenagers so that boys expect it.

Family abuse is eroticised with scenarios called First Time With Daddy. Abuse of teens and racism is central. Women’s equality and security is undermined with bosses abusing female employees and teachers fucking school girls. In porn men are the consumers of female bodies in every race, shape, age and rating. They can fuck saggy, old, skinny, ugly and fantasy plastic Barbie bodies because it’s accessible and it’s anonymous.

The language of porn is key. There are no girls and women. Just bodies. Just cum-guzzling sluts, cum dumpsters, bitches and whores. The acts that men do are framed as punishing. Dines cites this promotional copy from Anally Ripped Whores:

We at pure filth know exactly what you want – chicks being ass fucked until their sphincters are pink, puffy and totally blown out. Adult diapers just might be in store for those whores when their work is done.

Was that 12-year-old boy looking for this? No, he just wanted some shagging and maybe some girl on girl. But the porn industry will groom him. Dines highlights an example of the copy that goes with the images:

Do you know what we say to things like romance and foreplay? We say fuck off. We take gorgeous young bitches and do what every man would like to do.

The pornographers tell the aroused, ashamed and possibly traumatised boy what real men want and do. The porn industry grooms boys to be, ultimately, rapists and johns. (NB. a ‘John’ is a man who uses prostituted women. See Dines’ video below for expansion of this argument.)

To be anti-porn is not to be anti-sex. It is to be in defense of sex, because porn is sexism, not sex. Yet in our commercially sexualised culture, being anti-porn is one of the most controversial stances you can take. It makes you open to criticism and abuse, especially from people who demand the right to be ‘porn stars’, who demand their right to orgasm at a screen, whatever the human cost, whatever the cost to our culture. Anyone who defends porn because women choose to take part in it is having a monumental fail to recognise how culture grooms women from birth to become sex objects. They are too privileged to understand how women’s work choices are limited or how a woman’s value is measured on her hotness alone. When Gail Dines interviewed an incarcerated child rapist who raped his 12-year-old step-daughter, he explained how he groomed her and told Dines, ‘The culture did a lot of the grooming for me.’

Parents and schools need to arm kids against the tide of porn. That means compulsory SRE that talks about porn. I will talk to my boys about porn, beginning with the media images of underdressed women that surround them. I do not want to watch boys and girls continue their slide into a place where teen relationship abuse and confusion about what abuse is is rising, a place where heartfelt or loving or fun or hot or consensual or daft and fumbling sex between equals is replaced with men getting off on sexually abusive power. Where violence is eroticised. For in porn, there are no women that matter, there is no place for female desire and there certainly is no joy.

Facts:

Porn sites get more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined. (Huffington Post, 2013)

90% of top watched rented scenes have physical or verbal abuse towards the woman.

And see NSPCC’s evidence of porn’s impact on young people

Watch:

Gail Dines: How Porn Creates The John

Gail Dines: Growing up in a Pornified Culture

Read (and watch if you get the chance):

Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Gail Dines

Follow:

Stop Porn Culture SCP

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